To form a team, you must have thirty people, twenty of which will be rowing, one will be steering the boat in the back, one will be drumming, and one will be sitting on top of the dragon's head to reach for the flag; the other six are backups in case one of us falls into the water during practice.

So, I'd like to say that we're a pretty serious competitor, but I'd be pulling your leg if I wrote that. Let me clarify our place in this competition:

1) Our team name is "Hamburger Breakfast." This name was chosen because so many Taiwanese think that foreigners love to eat hamburgers for breakfast. But in fact, more Taiwanese eat hamburgers for breakfast than foreigners. Instead of trying to dispel this myth, which we've tried, we've decided to embrace our "foreignness" and name ourselves after this misconception.

2) There are seven competitors in the foreign division of the race.

3) One of our competitors is the Kaohsiung World Games Dragon Boat Team.

4) Another one of our competitors has practiced for nearly twenty years.

5) We will practice three times for one hour each until the actual competition...

6) When we practice, we have three rowing strategies, Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C. Here is the pattern of drumming for each Plan:

• Plan A: Beat, beat, beat, beat, beat, beat, beat, beat, beat, and beat! [At each beat, your paddle should enter the water]
  
• Plan B: [Where the dashes mean lift your paddle for a few milliseconds] Beat, --, --, Beat, --, --, Beat, --, --, Beat, --, --, Beat, ... (etc.)
  
• Plan C: Beat, --, Beat, --, Beat, --, Beat, --, Beat, --, ... (etc.)
  

For Plan B & C, we have some chants that we yell. With Plan A, we're too busy trying to catch our breath to chant:

• Plan B: [Three syllables]  "Ham!" <row> "Bur!" <row> "Ger!", ... (etc.)
  
• Plan C: [Two syllables] "Break!" <row> "Fast!" <row> "Break!" <row> "Fast!", ... (etc.)

7) At our first practice, nine out of twenty-four people showed up.

8) At our second practice, twelve out of twenty-four people showed up.

9) Maybe by our third practice, all of us will show up?

Now, when you're dragon boating, there a few things to keep in mind. First, you're rowing on Love River. In the past, people have said it used to smell so foul pedestrians would throw up walking near it. People did not love the Love River ten years ago. However, things have changed now and it's not nearly as stinky as it was ten years ago. I--sitting at the front of the Dragon Boat and splashing myself with water because I don't know how to row--have tasted the Love River and I'll tell ya right now, it's salty and stings the eyes if you're not wearing goggles. So, to prepare yourself for the race, we suggest you wear:

I hope this has given you a little picture into our experience dragon boating.

One more thing, one of the ETAs thought up of our slogan, "Your ass is dragon!" because it sounds like "Your ass is draggin' " as in "You're too slow!" We'll get T-shirts that say this so look out for pictures later!

Happy Rowing, Team! Go Hamburger Breakfast, Go!